Hate em and leave em

I want to move to Los Angeles to pursue my acting career but my boyfriend says he won't come with me and will break up with me if I move. What should I do?

 Anonymous

Sounds like a super nice guy! 

Ok. So let him break up with you. Call his bluff. If he doesn’t break up with you by the time you hit the sandy beaches like he threatened, then break up with him. He obviously can’t handle your desire to have dreams or be successful.

You also don’t want him moving with you anyway. Sitting around your new apartment all crabby and negative….that does not pair well with sunshine and avocados.

If he changes his mind and says he will move with you, tell him you changed your mind and you don’t want him to. Nothing worse than shoving a bad relationship into a one bedroom apartment. Yuck

I admire your desire to want to make a change, I can relate. If you were totally fulfilled then you wouldn’t find it necessary to relocate. I dated a guy for 3 years who when I told him I wanted to be on SNL his reply was “and I want to be a major league baseball player, not gonna happen”. After we broke up I spoke to him a couple years later and I was following my dream and was involved in improv in Chicago and when I mentioned I had a show coming up he said “ugh. when are you going to start acting like an adult”. That totally reminded me that breaking up was the right thing.

If he is threatening to break up with because you want to better yourself and follow a dream of yours, then call his bluff. 

Let him find a girl who just wants to shit out his kids and work part time for little pay. You get to LA and whether you become a famous actress or not you will for sure become a better version of yourself….without his sorry ass. 

Though wouldn’t it be awesome if after a year of being apart you land a major commercial and it plays during the Super Bowl while he is shoving mayonnaise sandwiches in his mouth with his new girlfriend.

Shoot for that! 

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SportsBar Love

Hey all
We are getting some great questions and I am so excited to answer this particular one.

Q: How do you know a guy loves you even if he won't show it?

A: Well, haven't you ever heard the saying "actions speak louder than words" well that saying is fucking right! You should really look in the mirror and tell yourself you are pretty then punch yourself. Do you believe yourself? If you do then you may have an issue way bigger than this blog. 
Here is the thing. I grew up a middle child needing attention from anyone. That is why I do comedy, true story. I was the queen of "you should see how he is when we are alone".
Look if a guy can't show you he loves you then he doesn't. He probably doesn't even know how to love someone correctly anyway so you can stop blaming yourself.
I will tell you how to find out if he will ever love you.... walk away. Dump him. You heard me! 


The minute you take control of your own actions... the right ones will follow
"But I love him" you might be saying. You can't love someone for real unless you know he loves you back... with actions.
Now get off the internet, get in the shower and wash this shit off of you. Call your friends and go to a sports bar. Notice how I did not say club? Its a goddamn Monday night! People and guys who may be in need of flirting with you are at the sports bars. Eating wings and having beers.


Put on a cute t-shirt and jeans that make your ass look amazing and throw on sneakers....
the less you try the harder they all will, including that loser who doesn't love you YET.


Oh yeah... leave your phone in the car... that way you wont be checking it every 5 minutes. Have some good old fashioned 1995 cell phone are too expensive to own, fun! 
PS. You have to commit to this easy breezy behavior for at least a week.


Now when he calls you and starts doing the right things and finding out what an amazing girl you are... you can send gifts to me!!!

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